Sheets, or I Don't Want to Clean

Okay, guys, I’m really lazy. I mean, it’s not to a point where it really causes problems in my life, but I certainly could be more productive. I often opt for searching the web and watching Netflix over cleaning my room or getting a head start on my literature homework. In my life I want to be very clean, but I do not want to clean. Plus, I can’t afford cleaning supplies. I live in a dorm, so it isn’t really a place that has a lot to clean, right? (There’s a bed, floor, and desk.) I think because of that, I just don’t clean at all. Like, what could possibly get gross in there? There is no water to cause mildew and no kitchen for nasty grease build-up.

I shed, though. I shed so much, I cannot understand it. The hair that accumulates on my rug is tantamount to the clippings on the floor of a barber. Okay, that’s really unpleasant, I know. And yet, I can bear that. I can bear the strange dust that comes from nowhere and the dust bunnies floating on the floor. That is probably because I don’t sleep on the floor and snuggle with the fuzz balls. Basically, I can handle all the foul things on the floor, but when I think about those nasty things in my bed, I shudder. I think of it this way: I can’t feel my hair falling out, but I can see the accumulation on the carpet, so it looks disgusting. I can’t feel my skin cells falling out, and I can’t see them in my sheets, and it isn’t so disgusting. As far as appearances go. But it is so disgusting!

I can’t bear dirty shirts. But I am lazy and I do not want to wash my sheets in the broken washers in the basement. You see my problem? So today I was contemplating this issue and I went to the one place that can generally answer all my questions and solve my woes. Google. A quick search–how often should I wash my sheets?–brought up several answers. (note: these answers were ones I already knew.) I just thought that maybe I could find some justification on the interwebs for not washing my sheets weekly. I guess I sort of did. One guy said every other week was okay, but anything longer than that causes grease and skin cell build-up leading to dust mites leading to dust mite crap. And I am sleeping in that crap. Bleh, I’m repulsed.

Do not let them fool you! They are dirty!

So here I am, sitting in bed typing this up, thinking of all the microscopic nastiness hangin’ out around me. I have priorities like homework and finding a job. I have duties to Netflix and my friends. I have the excuse of being a filthy, young college kid. And now I am going to go wash my sheets in the broken washers. And you should, too. Just for good measure. This post, the reason I explained woes of laziness, all of it, is so that me and you and everyone else can have a less-gross existence. Clean sheets = better life.

-Kenz